Musings and Nonsense
Nov. 19th, 2015 02:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tklivoryFor all the facility I have with words in writing fiction, I always have the hardest time with words that actually have personal meaning. So when a Real Event happens in my life, I am rarely able to talk or write about its effect on me.
So I pull it inside, where it tightens and hardens into a ball of pain, and I don't know how to let it out. Sometimes that leads to a lot of fic writing as the emotions try to come out another way. Most often, though, it means I clam up entirely. If it weren't for my Dragon Age RP partnerships, I'd be completely dead in the water creatively.
So... no NaNoWriMo success this year. A combination of a few factors have ensured that I doubt myself so much right now that every time I sit down and try to write on my own, I spend my time staring at a blank screen until I get a headache. I'm finding little of interest on Tumblr related to any fandom, though I do occasionally visit to read about the lives of those I follow because I do still care, immensely. But I doubt my ability to interact with people, so I remain silent. I am actually getting stuff done otherwise, but it is all long overdue and feels too much like 'catch up' to feel like accomplishments.
Suffice it to say that I am in recovery mode. I have ups and downs (this is one of the downs, obviously), and I spend too much time thinking about the wrong things. I'm trying to fix that, too. I simply don't know how long it will take.
I am gradually climbing up, though. It's just so much easier to fall down than to pull yourself up, it's hard to remind myself of that sometimes.
So I pull it inside, where it tightens and hardens into a ball of pain, and I don't know how to let it out. Sometimes that leads to a lot of fic writing as the emotions try to come out another way. Most often, though, it means I clam up entirely. If it weren't for my Dragon Age RP partnerships, I'd be completely dead in the water creatively.
So... no NaNoWriMo success this year. A combination of a few factors have ensured that I doubt myself so much right now that every time I sit down and try to write on my own, I spend my time staring at a blank screen until I get a headache. I'm finding little of interest on Tumblr related to any fandom, though I do occasionally visit to read about the lives of those I follow because I do still care, immensely. But I doubt my ability to interact with people, so I remain silent. I am actually getting stuff done otherwise, but it is all long overdue and feels too much like 'catch up' to feel like accomplishments.
Suffice it to say that I am in recovery mode. I have ups and downs (this is one of the downs, obviously), and I spend too much time thinking about the wrong things. I'm trying to fix that, too. I simply don't know how long it will take.
I am gradually climbing up, though. It's just so much easier to fall down than to pull yourself up, it's hard to remind myself of that sometimes.
